Broken Heart

As soon as I heard the news last week about the school shootings in Connecticut, my stomach weakened. I immediately envisioned the chaos and extreme sadness of all the people related to the murdered children and adults. In addition, I thought of the shooters extended family and friends and what might be going through their minds.

I thought of my own daughter, a teacher at an elementary school and my other daughter a nurse at a children’s hospital.

I can imagine the word “Why?” cried aloud too many times to count along with intense anger and thoughts of revenge from some of the families and friends of the victims

And then others watching from a distance by news stations, newspaper, internet or word of mouth turning to thoughts of, How can we fix this? Where shall we start? Some thinking: Let’s ban guns! Let’s ban assault rifles! Let’s home school! Let’s fire the principal, superintendent and staff. Let’s bolt the classroom doors while school is in session. Let’s put guards, police, more surveillance camera’s, or maybe a swat team in the area from now on, let’s immediately incarcerate mentally ill children, and let’s let’s let’s……….

I don’t know how it feels to suddenly lose a child, but do know the feeling of losing a husband suddenly by a senseless wrongful death. The unexpected and shocking news is mind numbing. Your brain is like a freeway of thoughts, only there is no order to the motion as you try to process and figure out the why’s and how’s.

I believe thought like these, if consumed too much, can overtake your whole being to the point of being unhealthy.

In the case of the murderer who took the lives of the children and adults at Sandy Hook Elementary, we may never know why or completely understand how the mind of an irrational thinking human being works?

Here’s what I do know.

It is an obvious fact there are mean and evil people in our world. There has been from the beginning of time. You may know people who hate themselves and others. I have known a few myself. I have wondered and even worried at times if these people might be inclined to act with erratic nonsensical behavior towards themselves or others. It’s a scary thought. I also know that drugs, severe extreme depression, or evil spirits can drive them to the point of committing inhumane and violent actions.

A mentally handicapped person who has trouble with rational thinking can be influenced or prompted to act out violently by misuse of medications, rejection from friends, and family. There are too many possibilities to mention here. Those who lovingly take care of the mentally handicapped with violent tendencies I am sure live in a world much more fragile than ours. We need to pray for their strength, patience and peace through Christ.

So what would you do if you knew someone who lost a loved one in a tragedy like the school shootings?

People have asked me, Please tell me how I approach someone who has just lost a loved one? I am uncomfortable and don’t know what to say. I explain that sometimes the best choice of action is served with minimal words or even silence. Just listening and being there with a hug can be a comforting salve. We don’t have to have all the answers. When someone asks, “Why did this happen to me?” Or Why did God allow this to happen? Often we feel we must give them an answer right now. It’s okay to say, “You know, I don’t have the answer to your why, but I do know that I care and am choosing to pray you through and be here for you through this tough time.” Oh how that carried me through and I felt those prayers as if they were a physical hand holding me and comforting me.

When faith-filled people hear of tragedies like the one at Sandy Hill Elementary, it’s a normal and immediate reaction to choose the action of prayer.

In addition, physically being present and loving them by your actions can be so comforting. For example, helping with simple things that often become burdens during trials. Things like filling up their car with gas, cooking, watering the plants inside the house or outside, returning phone calls, mowing the lawn or shoveling snow, spending time with the other children, getting the mail, feeding the dog, walking the dog, cleaning the house are all things that no matter what happens in our lives, still need attention.

My good friends Carol Fornoff and her husband Roger, do know the feeling of having a child murdered years ago and because during their tragic time, support from friends, family and their faith, they have been able to work through the pain and suffering over the years. Together, we have have agreed though, that the pain and memories never go away. They may lessen at times but and occasionally feelings of unforgiveness still creep  up and haunt us, tempt us to hate, feel revenge and become depressed, but because we look to a higher authority who says vengeance is mine, we continually rest in the peace that surpasses all understanding and press on. 

My hope is that in time, good things will come from these awful tragedies and the people who have to live with the pain, will choose to overcome by helping others, loving and forgiving. And that their hearts will never harden to the point of a separation of love.

Quote by Mother Teresa

Book News!

• Congratulations to the two Goodreads winners of my book. Nikki and John
• I find it so interesting that the chapter I read below on this blog below relates to some of what I have written above.
• Another giveaway is just around the corner
• The Audible version of my book will be recorded soon. I anticipate a launch by the end of January. Stay tuned.